Over Christmas- and New Year- times the entire world had
crazy weather. In America – where my human auntie lives with my human uncle and
my many cousins both human, canine, feline and other species – they had cold
temperatures that made it so if they went out they might freeze to death on the
spot. In the ‘land down under’ – which is underneath according to the people
who aren’t there but are on this side of the world – and is actually called
Australia, people are trying to play tennis in 45oC temperature and fainting and bats have died cos it’s too hot for them. Here
In England – and especially in the bit round the river Thames where I live with
my human family; they’re all human and I’m a dog – we had rain that could drown
you and wind that could blow you over and away and all at once and it was very
dangerous to go out, and many people had very wet Christmases with their houses
filled up with water and they didn’t have power so they couldn’t cook their Christmas
dinners or watch Doctor Who or Eastenders or The Queen making her speech. I
think they could still open their presents so long as they weren’t all washed
away, and Father Christmas could still visit cos he doesn’t need gas or
electricity to visit cos he has reindeer to give his sleigh the power to move.
Cars could still move too so long as the water wasn’t too deep and they could
do that in the roads that weren’t made into rivers by all the water. Emma’s car
could move okay but something on it was moving in a way that was not okay. I
have written a story before about it raining in the car cos of the sun-roof
that lets rain rather than sun in – well it lets sun in too but Emma never
opens it to let sun in cos the sun comes in anyway, and even though she hasn’t
opened it it is ‘open to the elements’ as humans say. It shouldn’t be but it
is. It’s a fault on the car, which isn’t the cars fault and also isn’t my fault
this time. Another fault is that the bonnet doesn’t close properly cos
something called the bonnet catch is broken and so the bonnet flaps up and down
and if you drive too fast it flaps up so much that it might not flap down again
and then it could fly into the windscreen – that does actually screen you from
the wind – and then you could have wind and broken glass unscreened from you
and going into your face from the broken windscreen and that is very dangerous
indeed. I have been Emma’s co-driver as you can see to make sure that doesn’t
happen so she can look at what she needs to look at to drive the car safely and
then I can bark loudly if it doesn’t flap down again. But we decided it’d be
even safer to take it to be fixed, so we got into it to drive it to the garage
where they fix cars but it wouldn’t start at all. And we tried again and it
wouldn’t, and yet again, but it still wouldn’t and then Emma phoned for an AA
man to come – AA men come when cars don’t start at all or have stopped and won’t
start again. For anything else you have to take it yourself to be fixed. The AA
man was a very nice AA man – they are all supposed to be very nice but some are
nicer than others – he started the car very quickly and said it had been
flooded with petrol and not water even though with all the water around it
could have been water, and then he also said that he would save us driving to
the garage with a flapping up and down bonnet and also cos there were many cars
on the road getting into trouble cos of the weather so he fixed the bonnet down
in just a few minutes, so ours wouldn’t end up being one of them. It is good
that one less car goes along the road in an unnecessary journey anyway cos
there are too many cars on the road and there are too many other things that
humans have made that make fumes and things and have damaged something in the
sky and made a hole so that there is damage below that hole and so that’s what
causes the crazy weather and one day, if it’s not fixed and it may be too late to
fix it, the weather will be so crazy it’s completely mad and then… well then I
won’t say cos Emma says my stories usually make people laugh but this one won’t
and I should end on a funny note. I am not a note but I am very funny most of
the time and will make you smile and the sun shine even on a cloudy day… and if
you sing that then you have some funny notes to end on J
